I will never forget that day, it was nice and sunny unlike the previous ones that were all dull and gloomy. I did not know how much more time I had left on the island but I thought I should make the most of the experience and explore all it had to offer. I went down to the shore, the air was unusually still but still very warm. I became very aware that I was still alone.
I spotted something far off into the horizon and before I knew it I was swimming out to it. I felt a strange urge to want to find out exactly what it was. I had been swimming for quite a while and I did not really know what I was looking for anymore. I turned back to swim to shore but I couldn't see it anymore; I had found myself in the middle of the ocean with nothing and no one.
I was unusually calm considering the situation I was in. I let myself get carried away by the waves until I felt something brush up against my leg; a large fin emerged right in front of me. I was stunned and my body froze up. I was trying to think of what to do and at the same time not over think. It came close to me again but this time, I didn't hesitate and started swimming the other way.
Luckily enough, whatever was near me was now far away. I could see it fading into the distance. I knew I was safe.
Where's your planning? Workbook?
ReplyDeleteGood:
Thoughtful opening
Some description suggests a physical location
Paragraphs guide the reader from one stage to another
Targets:
Do you realise you started almost every sentence here with 'I'?
More description would help us to understand why you were drawn to the object you saw out in the sea.
You've tried to get in all the details of the story without actually focusing much on creating effects for the reader - slow down; remember the aim was quality not quantity!
I've seen much better writing from you Lena but this is an OK start to build on. I know you can do it! :)
A very interesting story plot Lena. I find it very cool that you did not mention the shark at all but gave little hints that have shark like references. Maybe introduce why the character was on the island.
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